


Don't look back

by twdeadfanfic



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, But the main tag is Angst, Daryl's PoV, Gen, There’s cute stuff here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-31 04:43:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17842679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdeadfanfic/pseuds/twdeadfanfic
Summary: Daryl is used to his brother coming and going out of his life, leaving him alone, since he was a kid. He’s used to Merle meaning trouble too, and to be dragged into all his messes as Daryl loyally follows his brother. But this time Merle’s mess has reached top and has affected more people than the brothers, and Daryl finds himself wanting to step in and fix it, as once again he’s left alone by his brother. Inspired by me wondering how Daryl felt about having always done as Merle says and yet being always left alone, and especially by wondering how is Daryl so good with kids, handling baby Judith so good, like a pro since day one.There’s cute stuff here, but the main tag is Angst. Daryl’s pov, there’s an OC (well…two…), but still, this is mostly a Daryl Dixon fic. Once again, this gets pretty angsty, don’t say I didn’t warn you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try something new and there it is, angst, oc, and present tense, covering about one year and a half or two years of Daryl's life before the apocalypse. I'm ver, very nervous about this, but also very excited.
> 
> I'll be posting chapter 2 on wednesday and chapter 3 on friday, I'm calling this "angst week" because my 30th birthday is on saturday and I'm kind of angsty about it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this, let me know your thoughts.

It’s still early in the day when Daryl comes back from hunting, a handful of squirrels and a rabbit inside his bag. He has been out in the woods hunting since before the sun went up, didn’t have anything better to do. He heads back home to get his kills ready, not sure of what to do with himself.

Merle is gone again, and by now Daryl should be used to it, Merle has always been coming and going from his life, due to him whether leaving to who-knows-where or why, or to him ending up first in juvie when they were kids, then in jail when they grew up. But this time he had been home for a long, long while and now Daryl finds he can’t remember what he used to do back when Merle wasn’t there. 

He is just too used to follow Merle everywhere, doing whatever shit he had in mind for the day, just like always, just like Daryl began to do when he was a kid without nobody else and Merle was around long enough, until he inevitable was left alone on his own again. And in those lonely times, Daryl still doesn’t know what to do with himself. He likes it, though, the solitude, he doesn’t like to deal with people, he’s not good at it, and it’s clear people doesn’t like to deal with him either.

It’s not only him, the people in that town doesn’t like to deal with the Dixon’s in general, nor their asshole of a father nor his brother. They had a reputation already before Daryl was old enough to understand it. It extends to Merle’s small biker gang, to a lesser degree although the whole town knew they were trouble.

It’s the gang’s fault that Merle is gone again, in a way, though it’s mostly Merle’s fault. As always. Daryl should be used to it. Merle has been trouble always, but it seems that since he founded that gang, he managed to multiply that trouble for ten. And now it has finally reached top and exploded.

Daryl should have expected his brother to end up in something like that at some point, honestly.

Merle had been doing drugs almost since Daryl could remember, doing whatever was necessary to get them, dragging Daryl along, though somehow Daryl never used. In recent years, Merle had begun dealing too, and it wasn’t like Daryl wasn’t used to all of his brother’s more than questionable business, so he just kept tailing along. He hasn’t anything else to do anyway, nobody else to be with, besides his brother. Only Dixons care for Dixons, Merle taught him that when he was a kid.

And with the gang, Merle’s humble business had grown into something…well, something still rather small, but big enough to get into trouble. Merle has a way of finding trouble. And of course, Daryl can’t help but still do what he’s told, and follow Merle around. That’s what Dixons do. And Merle’s blood, so they gotta be together. And Daryl likes bikes and being in the gang ain't’ that bad, and his brother’s around, so he helps with anything Merle needs from him, any business that needs to get done, doesn’t give it a second thought.

Except the last one. The one that ended up with his brother in jail for longer than usual, one of the members of the gang dead, and the club broken.

Daryl doesn’t even really know what happened. Apparently, his brother took good care on keeping him in the shadows for this one. Daryl is still unsure of why. It would be beautiful to think that Merle thought it would be more dangerous than usual and so he wanted to protect him, but Daryl mostly thinks it’s because Merle thought he’d mess it or chicken out. Daryl’s always trying to prove himself to his brother, since they were kids, but Merle always finds something to put him down, to show him how he’s not good enough. Maybe he thought like that again this time. Daryl doesn’t know if that makes him lucky or not. It makes him pissed, though.

Daryl doesn’t take shit from anyone, doesn’t care about anyone, doesn’t give a single shit about what people think of him or how they talk at his back. Except when it’s his brother. Merle’s blood. It’s his family, his older brother, the only thing Daryl has. That’s different. It makes sense in his head.

And now Merle’s gone again, to jail, for longer than usual, though Daryl doesn’t know the details. The death of David hasn’t been linked to whatever business Merle has messed, but Daryl can put two and two together, besides the other men from the gang have stopped meeting or even talking. Not that Daryl would miss them.

Two weeks have passed since that and Daryl is still confused about the whole thing, and he is still not used to not having his brother around anymore, able to do whatever he wants to. But he doesn’t really seem to know what he wants to do.

He is so wrapped on his own head that he doesn’t realize who the woman ahead on the street is, doesn’t even see her until it’s too late to hide or take another street. She must be one of the people he doesn’t want to ever see again. Daryl doesn’t really remember her name, something like Claire he thinks, but the important thing is that her husband got killed because of Merle’s gang, hell, because of Merle too probably, for whatever shit mess of a business he got him in.

And to make it even worse, the tiny bundle wrapped to her with some sort of scarf reminds him that they had a baby not even a month ago. It’s strange, it doesn’t make sense, but looking at her feels like a punch to the gut. She’s fumbling with some bags, trying to carry them while also carrying the baby, but she seems to have lost her grip on one, too distracted to notice who is walking next to her.

Daryl wants to take advantage of that to walk past her quick and hope he doesn’t see her ever again, but somehow he finds himself stopping next to her, asking her if she needs help. He kicks himself and regrets it as soon as it leaves his mouth, he doesn’t even know why he did it.

“Oh, thanks, no I-” Claire begins talking without looking up, still fumbling with the bags, and once she does look and sees him, she stops for a moment, and Daryl knows she has recognized him. They had seen each other a few times before, though they hadn’t really talked much. She looks different now, though, sad and tired, exhausted even, her eyes rimmed red and with deep dark circles under them, and that stabbing pain in Daryl’s gut just get worse. “Hey, you’re Daryl, right? Merle’s brother.”

Daryl nods, looking to the ground, unable to hold her gaze. He expects her to yell at him, insult him, slap him, anything like that, but she doesn’t, and they stay in awkward silence for another moment, a couple seconds that felt eternal to Daryl.

“I heard he was sent to jail,” she finally says and Daryl still doesn’t look at her. “Are you holding up okay?”

His eyes snap up at that, looking at her with a confused frown on his face. Is she serious? Is she really asking him how is he doing? He tries to listen for some hidden intention behind it but she sounds genuine, and Daryl doesn’t understand how could she be the one asking him that. Claire seems to see something in his face, and she shrugs.

“It’s just I’ve never seen you not at your brother’s side.” She explains and Daryl doesn’t know how to take that but he’s embarrassed anyway. That’s what he must look like, his brother’s shadow, nothing else nothing more, that’s what he must be. Daryl wasn’t with him when he got himself sent to jail, though, or when Claire’s husband ended up dead. Once again, Daryl can’t look at her. “Just thought it might be strange for you not to have him around.”

“I’m used to him not being here, at him coming and going,” Daryl mutters, eyes still trained on the ground. He wonders if he should ask her the same, his husband is gone in a worse way than his brother, but he already knows the answer and doesn’t see the point in asking.

There’s another awkward silence before Claire finally gathers her bags as best as she can. “Well, see you around, Daryl.”

“You sure you don’t need help?” Daryl finds himself asking again, he still doesn’t know where it comes from, but he feels guilty about the whole thing for some reason, and the image of her looking so overwhelmed, so sad and exhausted, makes his stomach clench.

She chuckles, seeming embarrassed. “I guess when I left home this morning I was feeling more powerful.” She tries to joke weakly. “Didn’t know I was going to end up having to carry all this shit…I had to do groceries, and then there was a lot of baby things that I still needed to get, and since I was already out I decided, why not…” She’s sounding as overwhelmed as she looks, and Daryl looks at her, wondering if she really doesn’t have someone to help her with anything now. “At least this tiny one here it’s not heavy, but-” She stops and lets out another awkward chuckle. “Sorry, you don’t care about any of this.”

“It’s okay…” Daryl mumbles awkwardly, he doesn’t know what to say.

“I told half my life to that poor cashier too… I guess that after being days only talking to a baby it makes you speak to any adult you see around…” She tries to joke, but she sounds sad and embarrassed. “Anyway, sorry again, I gotta go.”

“You don’t have any family or nothing?” Daryl gathers enough courage to ask, still half expecting her to flip him off at any moment.

Claire seems embarrassed again as she gives him a tiny, weak smile. “Not besides this tiny lady here.” She nods to the baby, tightly snuggled to her in that strange long scarf, but Daryl can’t look at her without feeling like someone is stabbing him. “But she’s a handful…so, yeah, everything I need.” Daryl notices her voice faltering and he doesn’t dare to look at her. “Well…as I said, I gotta go.”

“I can help you with the bags.” Daryl forces himself to ask again, though his voice is barely audible.

Claire seems unsure, looking from the bags to him, and then back at the baby and the bags. “I don’t want to bother you…”

“Ain’t no bother.”

“Sure?” She asks, and Daryl nods, eyes still down. “Well, okay, if you really don’t mind…it’d be nice, actually, thank you.”

Nodding, Daryl takes as many bags as she allows him and follows her in silence until she stops in front of what he assumes is her door.

“Thanks, really.” Claire gives him a small smile, opening the door enough to push the bags inside. The baby had been quiet, but now Daryl notices her moving, peeking up from the scarf, and he couldn’t help but look at her with curiosity. Claire notices and her smile grows a bit bigger. “Oh, you don’t know her, do you? That’s Emily.”

The baby looks at him for a couple of seconds, blinking, and then she seems to decide he’s not interesting enough and snuggles her face into the scarf again.

“She looks like David.” It’s after it lefts his mouth that Daryl realizes it was the wrong thing to say, but he can’t help himself. He never thought he’d see someone’s features in a baby, he’s always thought all babies look the same, and he’s puzzled to find Emily’s eyes and nose are similar to David’s. Maybe kids do look like their parents…Daryl doesn’t like the idea that much. She looks at Claire and her eyes are wet, so he rushes to mumble an apology, but the woman shakes her head.

“Yeah, she does look like him, doesn’t she? Has some of his features.” Claire swallows hard. “It’s a good thing.”

Daryl doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing.

“Well, thanks again.” Claire smiles sadly and makes to walk into the house but she stops. “Daryl… I appreciate you helping me today with the bags, but I need no pity, alright?”

It takes Daryl aback a bit, but he nods. He understands, he could never stand pity. He turns to leave and Claire calls after him.

“Hey.” Daryl stops but he doesn’t turn around. “I know why you did this. But I’m pretty sure that whatever happened to-” She stops herself from saying the name as if it hurts. “That whatever happened wasn’t your fault. And I’m sure too that you are not your brother.” Daryl doesn’t know what to say to that, doesn’t know if he fully understands it, and he stays silent. “But what the hell do I know, I don’t know you. Anyway, I need no pity, and I think you need no guilt.”

Daryl still doesn’t say a word, doesn’t turn around, and when he hears the door closing he walks away, her words echoing in his mind for days.

*

Daryl can swear he’s not following Claire or stalking her, or anything like that, but in the following days he finds himself bumping into her and the baby more often than not. The town’s small after all. At first, he doesn’t dare to approach her again. Then comes a day when he sees her carrying groceries and Daryl finds himself offering his help again, and she agrees. Other times he just greets her and then lets her talk to him about whatever she wants if she feels like it. It seems she likes it, needs it even. She still seems lonely.

At first, it was just a couple of awkward, polite sentences, that eventually turn into long conversations in which Daryl doesn’t say that much but that he enjoys anyway, and he likes that after them Claire looks less miserable. She still looks sad, tired, lonely, and Daryl still feels like someone stabs him when he thinks about it, but he doesn’t know if he could do anything about it, or if it’s his place. He doesn’t know either why he wants to help her, he just wants it. And if he’s honest with himself, their conversations make him feel less lonely too, and he finds himself looking forward to find her on the street.

He doesn’t interact that much with the baby, doesn’t know how, doesn’t think she’d like him anyway. She doesn’t seem very interested in him whenever he’s talking with her mom. There’s one day, though, when the baby gets an arm out the scarf and wraps the tiniest hand Daryl has ever seen around one of his fingers. Daryl doesn’t’ know what to do, and he freezes, doesn’t even dare to breathe as the baby tugs at his finger, looking at it as if in deep thought. Whatever babies think about. Daryl is taken aback when he hears Claire’s quiet laugh, he doesn’t remember hearing her laugh before, and he couldn’t help the smile that tug at the corner of his mouth as he looks from the baby to her.

It’s in about two weeks after that that Daryl gathers enough courage to knock on her door to give her some of the pieces he had hunted. He’d been thinking about that for a while but hadn’t dared yet, he doesn’t know what she’ll think or if maybe she’ll be angry he went to her place. His stomach clenches with nerves as he knocks on the door and it takes him all he has not to run away.

Claire seems surprised when she sees him there, though not angry, and her surprise and confusion only seems to grow when he awkwardly hands her a rabbit, telling her he hunted it and has enough to spare one. Daryl looks down, waiting for her to say something, awkward and self-conscious, thinking she’s going to laugh or yell at him, but then she’s smiling and thanking him, even though she still seems confused. Next time Daryl brings her one of his kills, he makes sure to get it clean and ready first.

About a month later, after several talks while Claire walks Emily, and several rabbits delivered, one day Daryl knocks on her door with a bunch of squirrels that he had hunted that day and that should last her for a few days. Claire opens the door and gives him that smile that no matter what is still sad.

“This doesn’t look like rabbit.”

“It ain’t. It’s squirrel.” Daryl’s curiosity gets the best of him and he peeks at Emily, who’s once again wrapped in that scarf, snuggled tightly to her mother, and seeming asleep. She’s still tiny but Daryl thinks she looks a bit bigger.

“Squirrel?” She seems surprised. “I’ve never cooked that before.”

“I make stew with them.” He usually hunts more squirrels than rabbits, but he had thought maybe Claire would like the rabbits more, and now he’s unsure about having brought her squirrels today.

Soon she gives him her sad smile, though. “Thank you, Daryl. I’ll try.” Daryl nods and turns to leave, but she stops him, speaking again. “Actually…maybe you could show me how to make that stew?” She asks and Daryl is not really sure of what she means. “If you want, maybe, you could come in and show me how you cook it, we three could have lunch together. That’s if you don’t have anything else to do.”

Daryl looks at her in silence, not knowing what to do. It makes him feel awkward, getting into her home, but she’s smiling softly at him, waiting for him to say something without pressuring him into anything. He chews on his thumbnail, nervous, but nods, they had spent a lot of time together talking after all.

“Alright.” Claire walks him into her place and he follows her to the kitchen in awkward silence. “Feel free to use whatever you need to.” Daryl feels uncomfortable about going through her stuff, though, and so Claire lays out everything he might need and then steps aside to watch him work on the stew, asking questions from time to time.

Daryl can’t help but feel nervous and self-conscious feeling her eyes on him, making him clumsier than he’d ever be. Claire seems to notice and she gives him more space, telling him she’s going to change the baby and leaving him alone for a little while. She comes back with Emily on her arms instead of wrapped in the scarf, seeming more awake.

“The stew will be ready soon, I can go now.”

“If you want to.” She sits down on a chair, cooing the baby. “But you can stay and have lunch with us, I told you. We’d want you to.” Daryl bites his thumbnail again but finds himself nodding. “Great. Sit down if you want.”

Daryl does as he’s told, and for a moment he looks at her and the baby in silence.

“Do you want to hold her?” Claire offers, catching him glancing curiously at Emily, and Daryl immediately shakes his head, panicking at the idea.

“No!”

“We’ll try not to take offense in how fast you said that no.” Claire’s chuckles quietly.

“Didn’t mean it like that, just…” Daryl shrugs helplessly.

“I’d be okay, Daryl, she’s not a bomb.” Claire jokes. “Come, hold your arms out.”

Daryl is more than unsure about it but finally gives in, trying to copy the position of her arms with his. Claire holds the baby with only one arm with a skill Daryl is sure he’ll never have and reaches out her free hand to gently reposition one of his arms before carefully placing Emily on them. Daryl is paralyzed, can’t even breathe, but the baby doesn’t seem uncomfortable, doesn’t cry or fuss, just looks up at him.

“There you go,” Clair says but Daryl can’t tear his eyes from the tiny baby to look at her. Slowly, he begins to relax, holding her with more confidence, a silly smile spreading across his face. Claire laughs quietly. “Why don’t you hold her while I make her bottle?” Daryl nods, still looking at Emily, wondering if he had ever seen something so small before, wondering how could something so small be a person.

He’d already decided he wanted to help her mother if he could, make her life easier, first out of guilt and later because he found Claire’s really nice, but now those feelings seem to multiply, and Daryl finds himself wanting to protect that tiny human being in a way that takes him aback. It scares him at first, making him want to give the baby back to her mother and run to never come back, but that feeling is soon gone as Emily reaches out to try and touch his face with her tiniest hands, smiling.

Claire’s words as she speaks while she makes the bottle make Daryl come back to earth.

“It was easier when I could just latch her to a breast and she’d feed herself, I hate this thing of having to get bottles ready and what not, but I don’t have milk all of a sudden, they said it might be stress or what not.”

Daryl’s cheeks burn at her words, can’t help it, with her talking about her breasts and what not all of a sudden. Claire turns around and laughs at his flustered state. “Really? Did that embarrass you? You’re cute, Dixon Jr.”

That only makes Daryl blush more and he shrugs, defensive, but tries not to bother Emily.

“You really aren’t that much like your brother, are you?”

Daryl doesn’t know what she’s talking about and so he just stays silent, uncomfortable.

“I don’t mean nothing bad. Merle came once to talk with David, when Emily was just a few days old, and voiced his opinion about how lucky she was of being ‘sucking on my tits’ all day long.”

Daryl blushes even more, he doesn’t think it’s possible but he does. It does sound like his brother, though, Daryl can almost hear his voice. He’s not really sure of what to say to that.

“And David didn’t say anything to my ass of a brother?”

Claire laughs quietly again, her smile ever sad. “David was a good man and I love him but he wasn’t one to stand against Merle Dixon…actually, I don’t know anyone who was.”

Daryl hums a yes, he knows that well. He also has the suspicion that whatever Merle and David talked that day, it involved the business that got one of them in jail and the other killed. Another invisible dagger of guilt stabs at his gut.

“You miss him, don’t you?” Claire asks softly and Daryl doesn’t say anything, doesn’t need to, because it’s stupid but he does miss his ass of a brother. He can only imagine how Claire must feel.

Claire finishes with the bottle and sits down next to him, reaching out to pass him the bottle and Daryl looks at her confused. “Feed her, it’ll be okay. She looks so comfortable there.” She does, almost like she likes him to hold her, much to Daryl’s disbelieve. He shifts carefully and holds his breath as he holds her only with one arm, reaching out to take the bottle. As soon as Emily sees it close to her mouth, she latches onto it and begins drinking, and Daryl feels all kind of weird things going through him as he looks at her.

Once Emily finishes her bottle, Clare takes her again. She burps her and then she begins to wrap that scarf around herself and the baby, holding her snuggled to her. Daryl looks at her amazed, wondering how she knows how to twist it, fold it, knot it and everything to keep it in place with Emily looking so snuggly, and all that while holding the baby.

Claire notices and she smiles. “Yeah, it takes practice. It’s a baby sling, I like to have her close while having my hands free, but at first I almost strangled myself.” She chuckles.

“Looks like she likes it too,” Daryl observes, Emily has her eyes closed as she almost hides her face completely in one of the folds of the material, probably about to take a nap.

“Yeah…” Claire smiles softly at the baby. “You think that stew is ready?”

"Oh, yes.” Daryl feels like an idiot, he has forgotten about it. He gets up and turns off the stove while Claire takes out a couple of bowls and spoons, setting the table. Daryl pours the stew on the bowls and sits down, hoping it’ll be good enough.

Claire takes her bowl, mindful of Emily, and takes a spoonful. She looks at Daryl with wide eyes, blinking as if surprised, and he isn’t sure if that’s good or not.

“Man, you can cook! I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t this.”

Daryl can’t help but blush at that, looking down to his stew, and they both eat in silence, though somehow it isn’t as awkward as Daryl might have thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Weeks pass, turning into months, and Daryl feels as if time flies, alone without his brother but not so alone anymore now that he sees Claire and Emily more often than not, having lunch with them sometimes again or just walking with them when they go out for a walk. Emily is eating more things than milk now so Daryl does his best to hunt for her so Claire has fresh meat to make the purees. She always tells him that he doesn't have to but Daryl doesn’t care, it makes him feel useful and he doesn’t know any other way to help them.

He knocks at the door, some squirrels on his bag, and he can’t help his smirk when Claire opens. “You have puree on your face.”

“When I don’t have puree on my everything lately.” She rolls her eyes but smiles. “Come in.”

Emily is sat down on her high chair, a bowl of half-eaten puree in front of her, and she smiles when she sees him, happily babbling nonsense. Daryl can’t help his silly smile, he doesn’t think anyone has ever been so happy to see him, and he doesn’t know why the little girl seems to like him but he’s not going to complain.

“Could you please finish feeding her while I try to have less puree on me? He messes with you less than with me anyway, the little traitor.”

Daryl snorts quietly and nods, sitting down in front of Emily to try to spoon feed her while Claire goes to the bathroom.

“Come on, darlin’, I know, I don’t like peas either.” Daryl finds himself talking to the baby quite often when they are alone, but he would be mortified if someone would hear him. “What if I go on a hunting trip and bring you back some venison, uh? Don’t know if you can eat that…”

“You spoil her.” Claire’s teasing voice surprises him and he blushes, hoping she hasn’t been listening for long.

Daryl says nothing, busying himself with feeding Emily, eyes trained on the puree bowl, embarrassed Claire has caught him talking nonsense to the baby. She doesn’t say anything about it, though, just sits down next to him.

“You know, it just came to my mind, I hadn’t remembered it until now, but a long while ago I was with some friends and we saw you walking into the town with a big buck over your shoulders, it was quite a sight.” She chuckles quietly.

Daryl doesn’t hunt deer as often as squirrels or rabbits, they’re harder to find, further away from the town, but they feed him for longer and sometimes he manages to catch one. Claire mentioning her friends catches Daryl’s mind. In all those months, he hasn’t seen any of them, neither has Claire mentioned them, and he was convinced that somehow she didn’t have friends. Maybe it’s just that they don’t live there anymore?

“Where’re your friends now?” He asks, hoping Claire doesn’t find him nosy.

“Well, one by one they eventually left the town.” She begins to explain, as Daryl had thought. Most people end up leaving that town. “There’s a couple still here, but they…well…they don’t really like kids, you know, so when I got pregnant they told me they didn’t want to hang out with a baby cos they’re annoying and all that…and our lives were different anyway…” Claire shrugs awkwardly and Daryl frowns.

“That’s stupid.” He blurts out.

“There are people who don’t like kids so I’m not going to force them to deal with one, but I’m not going to leave Emily alone either.”

Still, it sounds like bullshit to Daryl, with everything that Claire has been going through. Daryl maybe doesn’t know much about having friends, but her friends should have been there, helping there and supporting her. At least that’s how Daryl sees it. He just hums, unsure of what to say, afraid Claire would be angry if he says what he thinks about his friends.

“I don’t talk to them anymore anyway,” Claire adds quietly.

“How’s that?” So she didn’t have friends anymore after all…

“Well, they said this thing…” Claire begins to fidget as she seems to think for the right words, and Daryl shifts his gaze from the bowl to her, he hasn’t seen her looking like that before. “When David, after what happened…you know. Well, they said that I…not I had it coming, but they kind of said I had brought it on myself and my situation was all my fault…guess they never really liked David that much, you know.”

Claire tries to sound nonchalant, tries to smile too, but her eyes are wet as she looks down and Daryl feels his blood boil at the idea of someone saying something like that to her, not only someone but her friends. He wants to find them and put an arrow on those pricks. Claire seems to notice or to see something in his face, because she reaches out to gently squeeze his arm and Daryl can’t help but flinch at the touch, but Claire doesn’t seem to mind.

“It’s okay.”

“It ain’t okay. What a bunch of assholes.” Daryl tries not to sounds as angry as he feels, but he’s not sure if he manages.

“Yeah well, maybe I didn’t have the best taste in friends, did I?” Claire chuckles weakly. “But I’ve gotten lucky with the friends I have now.” She smiles to him but Daryl just blinks at her, a bit confused, he was just so sure she didn’t have friends, he doesn’t know who she’s talking about now or why they never seem to be around.”

“Who?”

“You, silly.” Her eyes are still wet but Claire laughs and Daryl finally gets it. He doesn’t know what to say, though, and Claire’s smile falters. “Cos…we’re friends…right?” She sounds unsure, as if she thinks maybe Daryl doesn’t think like that, and he rushes to nod.

“Yeah, yeah, we are.”

Daryl doesn’t think he has ever had a friend before, someone who’s not his brother, and he can’t help his smile. She’s her friend, they’re friends. The idea is a bit overwhelming and scaring, but mostly it just makes him oddly happy.

*

Daryl comes back from hunting earlier today and so he decides to walk past the park, see if Claire and Emily are there. He spots Emily playing in the sandbox, Claire sitting down at the side of it, both of them seeming uncaring about getting dirt and full of sand. Once again Daryl finds himself thinking about maybe taking them to the woods with him once day, once Emily’s bigger and she can talk and all, though he’s not sure if they’d want to.

There are a couple more kids playing in the small park and two women who Daryl assumes are their mothers, talking with each other, but they don’t seem to be paying any attention neither to Emily or Claire, no matter Daryl’s pretty sure there aren’t many other kids in the town and that’s the only park they have. He wonders if maybe they know who her husband was, or rather with which people he got involved, and that’s why maybe they are purposely ignoring Claire. Or maybe he’s just paranoid.

He’s unsure about approaching, but when Claire looks up and sees him, she smiles and waves, and so Daryl goes to sit down next to her. Emily smiles wide when she sees him and crawls towards him, and Daryl smiles seeing she has managed to get sand even in her head.

“We didn’t expect to see you today,” Claire says as she tries to brush some sand off Emily.

Emily reaches out to him and Daryl takes her but hands her to her mother. He can feel the judging eyes of the other women on him, or maybe he’s being paranoid again, but still, he hates it, it makes him self-conscious. Maybe he shouldn’t have gone there. And maybe if they see Claire hanging out with a Dixon they would want to talk to her even less, and she’d still be lonely, and Emily wouldn’t have friends and it’d be Daryl’s fault. He can feel the women’s eyes almost like they burn.

“Gotta go.” He mutters as he gets up.

“Me too, I’m going to have to scrub her for hours until she stops shedding sand.” Claire jokes, getting up and holding Emily. Daryl doesn’t look at her, he just nods and begins walking, trying to rush away from her and the park. Claire follows him, grabbing his wrist to make him stop, but Daryl keeps walking.

“Will you stop? Daryl, stop!”She walks around him to stop in front of him, and Daryl’s pretty sure she’s using the same voice than when Emily has done something she shouldn’t. “What’s gotten into you?!”

“Nothing.” He grumbles, but Claire raises an eyebrow at him without backing off, and Daryl gives in. “They were looking at me, I know what they think of me.”

“You know, Daryl, I know it’s hard to believe, but the world doesn’t spin around you.” Claire teases without malice, sounding fond even, but Daryl’s feeling too awkward for it to make him feel better. “You don’t know if they were looking at you, or what they think, or if they know you.”

“I know it,” He insists, stubborn. “And you know what they think of the Dixons around here.”

“Okay, let’s say you’re right.” Claire concedes, but Daryl knows she’s only going to fight him in another way. “Do you really care about what they think of you?”

“I don’t!” He snaps, no matter it makes him feel self-conscious.

“Alright, problem solved then.”

Daryl guesses she’s a bit right, he doesn’t care about them, they know nothing, they can think whatever they want, Daryl doesn’t care. But they’re going to be talking about Claire if they keep seeing her hanging out with him.

“They’re gonna think stuff about you too if they see you with me.”

“So? I don’t care what those gossipers think about me either.” Claire replies.

“But-”

“But nothing.” Claire stops him before he can say anything. “I don’t care, let them think and talk all they want. You’re my friend, Daryl, alright? That’s what I care about, and that’s not going to change. Believe it or not, but I’m pretty sure you’re way better than most of the people in this damn town.”

Daryl can’t help but feel a bit taken aback by her words, but a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. He doesn’t think he had ever heard someone talk like that about him, he’s not sure he believes it, but he can’t help but be more than grateful for having a friend like her. He stills thinks that being seen with a Dixon isn’t the best for Claire and Emily, but Claire doesn’t seem to want to stop seeing him, and selfishly he doesn’t want her to stop. It makes everything better, less lonely, less harsh.

“Alright?” She repeats and Daryl nods, looking at her with a tiny, crooked smile. “Good. Hush about it now, then.” Before Daryl can say or do anything, she hands her Emily, whose grin as she holds onto him helps him feel almost magically better, with those strange warm feelings she gives him every time he holds her.

“How you managed to even get sand on your ears, sweetheart?” He murmurs quietly to her, chuckling softly, and as Emily babbles some nonsense Daryl can’t help but wonder if maybe she’s actually telling him about her day.

*

The sun is almost down when Daryl comes back into the town, later than he had realized. He had gone out further today, going to that place where he sometimes finds deer, an hour ride from the town.

He has come back with just a couple rabbits he plans on giving Claire. He doesn’t care that much though, it had been nice, he hadn’t gone on a ride in a while now and he realizes how much he had missed it. He has taken his brother’s bike instead of his, he always liked it more and Merle’s not around, though Daryl can almost hear and see his brother if he were to find out. Which he won’t.

He rides directly to Claire’s house before it gets even later, parks outside the house and knocks on the door. Nothing. He tries the bell again but still, nobody opens and there’s no noise coming from inside. They’re never out that late, always coming home before the sun goes down.

Daryl can’t help but worry. Maybe something had happened, something wrong and they’d had to go out. Or maybe something happened to them. All kind of worried thoughts knot his stomach and he turns around and back to his bike, but he doesn’t know what to do, where to look for them, where to check if they are okay. There’s a small voice in his head wondering if maybe Claire didn’t decide to just take her things and leave that shit town for good without telling him, but Daryl can’t think she’d do that.

Before he can get on his bike, though, he sees Claire walking up the street, Emily strapped to his back now with the scarf. Both of them smile when they see him, seeming good enough, helping Daryl relax a bit.

“Hey! I hope you haven’t been out here for too long, I didn’t know you were visiting today, sorry.” Claire greets him but her smile falters when she sees Daryl’s face and he wonders if he does look worried. “There’s something wrong?”

“No, just…you weren’t here and it was late…” He’s embarrassed he panicked like that just because Claire and Emily weren’t at home and he doesn’t want to tell Claire. She seems to notice, though, because she gives him a sweet smile and reaches out to squeeze his hand.

“We were in the park and I lost the track of time a bit.” She chuckles as she goes to open the door. “Do you want to have dinner with us? Since you are already here.”

Daryl hesitates for a couple of seconds but finally he nods, following Claire inside. Claire unwraps the scarf and leaves Emily on a big blanket that is spread on the floor with some toys, but the little girl crawls towards Daryl, babbling, and so he picks her up. Daryl feels like time has fled since that first time he held her but Emily looks way bigger now, he wouldn’t be surprised to see her walking one of these days, though Claire says it’s still too early.

“I was just going to reheat some leftovers, if that’s alright?” She asks and Daryl nods, it’s already enough she asked him to come in for dinner, he doesn’t want her to have to cook.

Daryl remembers the rabbits he has in his bag, he had all but forgotten, and he leaves Emily on her blanket, hoping she’d be entertained enough with the toys while he cleans the rabbits. He starts to work in silence while dinner heats in the oven.

“Thank you, Daryl,” Claire says when she sees what he’s doing, and she picks up Emily who was again crawling around and sits her on her high chair. “You really don’t have to bother hunting so much for us.”

“Ain’t a bother.” He doesn’t mind, likes to be out in the woods anyway, may as well bring them some food.

Claire smiles softly and begins feeding Emily her puree before Daryl and her have their dinner. “We met someone new at the park today, another mom and her kid, she’s a couple months older than Emily.” She begins to explain. “And I think we might be friends? We’re meeting tomorrow at the park again. That’s why I didn’t realize how late it was, we were just talking and talking for hours.”

Daryl is still working on the rabbits but he stops to look at her over his shoulder at that. That’s good, he guesses, Daryl has never liked that Claire doesn’t have none else, isn’t friends with any other of those mothers at the park, and he has always thought that it’d probably be good for Emily to have other kids to play with. It seems it has finally happened.

So Daryl doesn’t understand why a sudden fear grips him at her words, why his stomach twitches as if he had been kicked. It’s good that Claire has another friend…a better one, probably. So maybe now she wouldn’t need him to be around anymore, she wouldn’t want to hang out with him, why, when she has a new friend who can understand her better. It’s good for her, it’s what she deserves. It feels like a kick to the gut.

Claire’s looking at him and so he forces himself to speak. “Good.” Claire eyes him like she feels something is off, but she keeps talking.

“She’s called Laura and I think she got a divorce a couple months ago or something, she wanted a change of air so she has moved here with some distant relatives…I don’t think it’s going to take her long to see what shit this town is.” Claire chuckles. “I had a great time, honestly, she’s super nice. You should come to meet her, I think you might like her too.” Daryl lets out a noncommittal hum, he doesn’t really look forward to it. “What’s wrong?” She flat-out asks him.

“Nothing.” Daryl can’t look at her, feeling like an ass for being acting so selfish and not as happy for her as he knows he should, but he can’t help it. “It’s good you have a friend.”

“Well, I already had you.” Claire states matter of factly. “But yes, it feels nice to get to talk with another mom, you know.” Daryl doesn’t know, but he nods anyway. Claire frowns and approaches him and Daryl shifts awkwardly, half expecting her to call him out on his behavior. “Hey, you know you’re my best friend, right?”

Her words take Daryl aback more than they maybe should. They were friends, sure, Claire didn’t have anyone else and so she hangs out with him, but the idea of her thinking him her best friend feels different, and warm, and has Daryl smiling like an idiot as he blinks in surprise, looking dumbfounded and making her laugh. She’s his best friend too and one of the only people Daryl has ever felt like really cares about him.

His life feels better since he has her and Emily in it, since she’s her friend. He doesn’t know how to say that to her, though, and it makes him embarrassed, so he doesn’t think he’ll ever do.

“Come here, silly.” Claire wraps her arms around him to hug him and Daryl freezes for a moment, holding his breath until he relaxes enough to wrap his own arms around her. He pulls away when he realizes his hands are dirty from cleaning the rabbits and he’s staining her shirt.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, you should have seen me the first time I tried to clean the rabbit you got me, it seemed I had murdered someone.” She laughs and Daryl gives her a tiny smile before getting back to work in silence while Claire sets the table.

“I mean it.” She says as they sit down to eat. “You have been helping me a lot. It has…it hasn’t been easy, you know, I try, but sometimes, it’s hard, and-” Claire trails off, her eyes getting wet, and Daryl feels that stab in the gut that he hadn’t felt in a while. “But everything is less hard thanks to you. You’re my best friend, the best one I’ve ever had. So I’m really glad I got to have you as my friend, and beyond grateful for all you do for Emily and me. You’re the best, Daryl.”

Daryl can’t look at her, his eyes trained on the floor, a lump on his throat as he’s overwhelmed by emotion. He doesn’t think someone has ever talked about him the way Claire does. He blinks quickly, embarrassed to feel his eyes wet. He wants to tell her that she’s his best friend too, that she’s the one making his life less hard, that he’s grateful she thinks all those things about him even though he doesn’t understand why, but he can’t say it, can’t find the words.

“I’m happy you’re my friend too.” It’s the only thing he can mutter, hoping that somehow she can understand all the things he doesn’t say, and if he can take the way in which Claire’s smiling at him as a clue, maybe it is.

*

Daryl feels strange going to see Claire without bringing her anything, but she had told him several times now that he doesn’t have to hunt something every time he wants to go, so instead, Daryl has a bottle with squirrel stew in his bag.

He knocks on the door and Claire opens, giving him a weak smile, but her eyes are puffy and rimmed red as if she had been crying, and worry grips Daryl’s stomach.

“There’s something wrong?”

Claire looks at him for a second before shaking her head no and Daryl steals glances at her as he walks inside, placing the bottle of stew on the table in case Claire wants it for lunch.

“Told you, you don’t have to bring something every time you come.” She tells him but Daryl just shrugs.

He looks around but Emily is not there, maybe she’s still at the kindergarten where she has been going lately. Claire works from home, so she doesn’t need Emily to be too long there, just a couple hours each morning, saying it allows her to get more work done and it also gives Emily the chance to play with more kids.

Claire is silent as she sits down on the sofa and Daryl feels awkward and out of place. Maybe she didn’t want the company, maybe he shouldn’t have gone, maybe she’s tired of Daryl visiting several days each week. He doesn’t know if he should leave or not, maybe he should ask. But Claire looks like she’s about to cry and so sad, sadder that he had seen her in a long while. He can’t leave her like that.

“Claire, what’s wrong?”

“You don’t know what day is today, do you? She asks, her eyes wet and Daryl shakes his head softly, clueless. “One year ago, today…well, you know what happened…”

Daryl hasn’t realized it was that day. Now he understands why Claire is like that and again an invisible dagger stabs him. Claire looks down, trying to hide her face as she cries and the stabbing gets worse. He doesn’t know what to do and so he just stands there.

“Crying like this while you look is a new level of embarrassment.” Claire chuckles softly, rubbing her eyes and Daryl feels bad but he still doesn’t know what to do. “I think you’re supposed to hold me or something.”

Daryl is hesitant, but he wants to do what he can to help her and so he sits down next to her and reaches out awkwardly, unsure of how to hug her. Claire smiles, chuckling quietly through her tears. She grabs one of his arms and pulls it around her and then she shifts closer to bury her face on the crook of his shoulder. Daryl holds her carefully, trying to help somehow as he feels his shirt getting wet with her tears.

Eventually, he feels her stop shaking and then Claire pulls back. “Sorry about this.” She sounds embarrassed.

“Ain’t nothing to be sorry about.”

Claire smiles softly and leans to press a soft kiss on his cheek, making Daryl blush, he can’t help but fidget awkwardly. “Have I told you that you are my best friend?” She asks and Daryl nods, how he could forget her saying that. "Seriously, Daryl, I don’t know what I’d have done without you this year. You’ve helped us more than what I could thank you. Thank you.”

Daryl doesn’t know what to say to that, her words of affection making him feel warm and cared for but also making him feel awkward and nervous. “Ain’t nothing.” It’s all he manages to grumble. Claire doesn’t seem to mind, she smiles again and leans her head on his arm, silent for a little while.

“It won’t be long until Merle can come back now? She asks and Daryl honestly doesn’t know.

"Maybe he can get an early release for good behavior, but that would be still in a lot of months.” Maybe three, maybe six, maybe another year, Daryl doesn’t know.

For a short while, Claire doesn’t say anything else. “I know you’re not seeing Emily and me anymore when Merle’s back.”

Daryl can only blink in surprise at her words. He didn’t know Claire thought like that. Daryl had never thought about leaving her, whether Merle is there or not.

“Ain’t leaving you both just cos Merle’s back.” He grumbles but Daryl has to admit she has a point.

He still remembers that first time they talked, how she told him she had never seen him not at his brother’s side. He knows things are going to change when Merle’s back and he kind of feels his brother is not going to be too happy with this new friendship, but that doesn’t mean he won’t want to keep seeing Claire and Emily. He doesn’t plan to stop, doesn’t want to, not even with his brother there. He’ll find a way to make it work.

“I won’t.” He forces himself to speak his mind, awkwardness be dammed. “Merle’s my brother, but you’re my friend, I’m not going to stop seeing you and Emily. You’re my best friend too.”

His own words make him blush and he’s afraid of what Claire’s going to say. The way in which she grins at him makes it worth. Soon, though, Daryl is looking away from her again, fidgeting awkwardly.

Claire doesn’t push it more. She rubs her eyes and gives him another smile.

“Alright, I’ve gotta go pick up Emily.” She gets up. “Want to come with me? And then we can all have that squirrel stew for lunch?”

“Yeah, yeah sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it! If you have a moment, please let me know your thoughts in the comments, your feedback makes my day!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! This is going to be very, very angsty people! You’ve been warned.

Months later, Daryl is still thinking about Claire’s words. He doesn’t know much about Merle’s situation, but now he knows he’s indeed getting an early release, though not until months. Daryl still means what he told Claire, he’s not going to stop being her friend, seeing her an Emily, but he can’t help but be nervous about what Merle is going to think and how his life is going to be with his brother back again.

He’s gone to the woods, further than usual, camped the night there, both to try and clear his mind and also to try and hunt a deer. He’s been only successful at the latest, and so now he’s trying to tie the deer to the bike, which is not that easy. Maybe he shouldn’t have taken the bike for this, but he wanted to ride.

He rides back, plans on going to see Claire and Emily, give them some deer. Between the kindergarten and Claire working more, he doesn’t see them as often as he did once, but still often enough. He doesn’t want to show up at her place with a dead deer over his shoulders and so first he goes to his place to get it ready. It takes him a while, so when he rides to Claire’s place he knows Emily would be back from the kindergarten and Claire’d have finished working too.

“Hi!” Claire grins when she opens the door. “How was your hunting?”

“Got a deer.” He hands him a pack with some of the meat he got ready.

He walks inside and finds Emily inside that kind of big cage that Claire calls park, playing with some toys. She smiles when she sees him, reaching out to him, babbling something that sounds like “hi.” She does that lately, she stills babbles nonsense but also things like no, mum, and some other little words. Claire has said she’s going to teach her to say ‘Daryl’ and he’s not sure if she was kidding or not, but the idea makes him feel giddier than he wants to admit.

“Hi darlin’, what did you do to end up in baby jail?” He asks as he kneels down next to the park thing, picking Emily up and placing her outside.

“I told you not to call it like that,” Claire says, humor in her voice, as she goes to leave the meat in the kitchen. “It’s a park.”

“A park, yeah, sure, does it looks like a park to you, sweetheart?” He wouldn’t be caught talking like that to Emily outside that house, the idea mortifies him. He’s still embarrassed doing it in front of Claire, but not as much as once he had been. Emily babbles a “no” and Daryl looks at Claire, smirking. She rolls her eyes but smiles too.

Emily holds on Daryl’s hands as she tries to stand up. Daryl helps her steady herself as she tries taking some steps, his smile going wide. She’s always been a fast crawler, but now she’s trying to take steps too. “I’m going to come one day and you’re gonna be walking already, uh?”

“Then she’s going to be spending more time in baby jail. She already manages to get everywhere just by crawling the moment I don’t have my eye on her, I don’t want to think about her walking.”

“Nah, I’ll bail you out.” Daryl keeps helping Emily stumbling steps until the little girl gets bored of it and she sits down on Daryl’s leg, reaching out to grab a stuffed bunny that was one of her favorites.

“Bun.” She babbles as she tries to push it onto Daryl’s hand, he’s not very sure as for what.

“Hey, that’s a new word,” he says as he holds the bunny, still unsure of what Emily wants him to do with it.

“Yeah, a bunny.” Claire goes to sit down next to them. “Like the ones Daryl hunts and I’ve been feeding you, doesn’t that seem conflicting to you?” She jokes, Emily’s little enough not to understand what she’s saying. “No? Then wait until you watch Bambi and Daryl takes you hunting deer.”

Daryl snorts, nudging Claire with his shoulder, but Emily just smiles, unaware, taking another plushy, a fish this time, and pushing Daryl with it again. “What does she want me to do?”

“Don’t know, ask her.” Claire smiles, seeming amused, and she grabs a plushy to throw it at Daryl too. He rolls his eyes at her but can’t even pretend to be annoyed.

For a while, Daryl is silent, holding toys that Emily passes him as she babbles its names, sometimes right sometimes not, half his mind in the little girl, half the other still on his brother.

“Merle’s getting the early release.” He finally blurts out. He waits for Claire to say something, but she doesn’t, so Daryl glances at her. She’s serious and thoughtful, and Daryl guesses what she might be thinking about.

“I meant what I told you, just cos my brother’s back doesn’t mean I’m not going to see you both anymore. That ain’t happening.” Daryl knows how Merle can be, but he’ll think something, he’ll make it work. Claire just shrugs in silence. “You don’t believe me.” He deflates. He holds Emily a bit tighter, like if that could shield him from his emotions, but it does the opposite.

“It’s not that.” Claire let’s out a sigh. “Just…I wouldn’t hold it against you, if you do.” She fidgets with one of the toys as she speaks. “You’ve done enough for us. And Merle’s your brother, and you were always following him before, so-”

“I ain’t my brother’s dog or nothing, woman!” Daryl snaps harsher than he wants without letting her stop, he can’t help it, he’s always hated how he indeed ends up doing whatever Merle tells him. Emily looks at him, startled, like if he had scared her, and it’s like a punch to the gut.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Daryl.” Claire begins speaking softly again. “But you guys were always together, you’re brothers, so if when he’s back Emily and I don’t quite fit in the picture…well, I understand, and-”

“Stop with that.” Daryl cuts her again, softer this time. “I already told you nothing’s going to change.” It wasn’t entirely true, things would change with Merle there, Daryl knew it, but nothing was going to change the fact that Claire was his best friend and that he’d always want to help her to take care of Emily and protect the little girl, not Merle, not anything. He was loyal to his brother, but now he was loyal to Claire and Emily too.

“Okay.” Claire gives him a tiny smile.

“Only thing that can happen is that you will have to put up with my brother sometimes.” Daryl half-jokes, totally aware of how Merle can be sometimes, but Claire already knew him and she isn’t one to scare easy. Besides, Daryl doesn’t really plan on letting Merle around Emily too often.

“I can do that.” Claire’s smile goes a bit wider.

“Settled, then.”

They fall silent again but is not as tense as before. Daryl watches as Claire and Emily play with some construction blocks, passing them some from time to time as they build something without a defined form.

“What’s this supposed to be?” He asks as he passed them the block Emily pointed, way too big to place it on top of the other four that she has placed before.

“Modern art,” Claire replies, reaching out to stop the small tower from falling down. “She’s an artist, you see.”

“I see.” He smirks. “Gonna be a while until she can put a bike together.”

“She doesn’t want to put together a bike, she’s an artist, I told you.”

Emily doesn’t say anything, just passes Daryl another block, babbling as he waits for him to place it on top of the tower.

*

Daryl has gone out to the woods again, further this time, to the place where his uncle took him to camp as a kid to teach him how to hunt when his father was too drunk and too out of control. That, until his uncle left him too.

He likes the solitude, likes the woods and being out there, likes it better than the town, but after a couple of days he’s more than ready to go back to see Claire and Emily. He had just needed to clear his mind.

For all his words to Claire, Daryl can’t help but worry as days pass and Merle’s release date gets closer. It must be in a week or so by now, or maybe just days. Is not that he doesn’t want his brother to come back, he misses him, it’s just he can almost hear him making fun and what not of him and his friendship with Claire and her little girl. And he’s not sure how Merle’s going to take all the time he spends with Emily and Claire. He doesn’t think he’s going to like it, though. He’s unsure too of what his brother is going to want them to do once he’s back.

Anyway, there’s no point worrying about that now. It feels wrong, telling Claire that he’s not going to stop hanging out with her just because his brother is getting back and then spending more time in the woods, but he thinks she understands.

He has taken Merle’s bike again so he can enjoy it before he’s back, and he has left it hidden in some bushes at the outside of the woods. He should clean it before his brother gets back.

He makes his way back to where he left the bike but before he can reach it, he sees a man stumbling to him, seeming to come from the road. His clothes are ragged and bloodied, his face gray and splashed with more blood, his eyes clouded. Maybe he’s been in some kind of accident, he looks so bad Daryl doesn’t know how he’s walking.

“You okay, man?”

He doesn’t answer, and the more he approaches the more Daryl realizes he doesn’t look normal. Like, at all. A shiver runs through Daryl’s spine as he looks at him, he looks beyond ill, dead even. The man begins reaching out for him, growling. Maybe he’s insane.

“Stop right there!” Daryl yells, raising his crossbow, and when the man keeps going Daryl loses the arrow, aiming to stop him but not kill him. The man keeps going though, doesn’t even seem to notice the arrow, so the next one Daryl loses goes straight through his chest. That doesn’t stop him either, and Daryl is dumbfounded for a moment. Before he knows what’s happening, the man throws himself at him with more strength that he seems to have and Daryl falls to the ground with him on top.

He struggles, trying to push him away but the man doesn’t relent, trying to bite him. Daryl manages to get out his hunting knife and stabs the man with it several times, but he doesn’t stop, and not knowing what to do, Daryl sinks it into the man’s skull as hard as he can. That finally makes him stop moving and Daryl kicks him off him when he drops dead on top of him.

Daryl rushes onto his feet, looking at the corpse, a thousand confusing thoughts racing through his mind. He doesn’t know what’s going on or what to do, but before he can think anything else, he sees another man and a woman looking like that going to him. He aims again, this time the arrow going straight to the woman’s chest but that doesn’t make her stop, neither the one straight to her heart and so Daryl aims at her head, and that makes her fall down. Her next arrow goes straight to the man’s head.

Daryl still doesn’t know what to do or what to think, all he knew is that he has to get out of there and back to the town. He takes the bike off the bushes and rides back to the road. There is a car there and two corpses lying on the ground, but Daryl ignores it, driving back to the town.

Halfway there he finds a couple of cars crashed on the road, and what it seems like one of those things, which Daryl is starting to doubt are people anymore, bended on top of someone, seeming to be biting him, or eating him, or Daryl doesn’t know what but he doesn’t stop, speeding up, going as fast as he can. Whatever is going on, Daryl needs to get to the town and check on Claire and Emily.

There are some more of those things at the town, roaming the streets, looking at him when they hear the bike, snapping, while others seem to be eating the people that are dead on the ground, and maybe Daryl is going crazy but he’s pretty sure those are people he knows. He still doesn’t know what’s going on, it just gets weirder and weirder, but whatever it is, it’s not good.

“Help!”

Daryl’s about to ignore the voice pleading for help but a woman runs in front of his bike, making him slam the breaks and almost falling down. Before he can yell at her he sees what seems one of those things, and this time he’s sure he knows her, he has seen her enough times at the park. Without thinking it twice, he rushes to take his crossbow and shoots at the head before she can get too close.

“The hell is going on?” He snaps at the woman who’s stopped in front of his bike.

“That, hell! The dead walking!” The woman seems out of herself but it’s not like Daryl can really blame her. “The end of the world!” Daryl scoffs at that, turning on the engine again. “I’ve seen it on tv, it’s not only here, it’s everywhere, people are going insane like that and attacking people everywhere!”

Daryl’s head has been on Claire and Emily the whole time, but it goes to his brother at that. Everywhere? Does that mean the jail where Merle is too? The knot of worry that’s clenching his stomach gets worse, he needs to go there and find his brother, and then Merle’ll know what to do. But first he needs to check on Claire and the little girl, make sure they are okay. Maybe she can convince Claire to go with him to get Merle or at least he needs to get her and Emily to a safe place, because that town is seeming crazier every passing minute.

Without any other word, the woman rushes into what Daryl guesses it’s her car to drive away. She should be good enough and so Daryl speeds up to Claire’s place. Those things snap their heads at him but Daryl ignores them, stopping just to shoot at them when they’re blocking the way, but he tries to just drive through them, afraid of getting out of arrows, and there’s not enough of them to actually block the road.

Daryl stops in front of Claire’s place, his worry going out of control when he sees the door is open and he straights out panics when he rushes inside and sees blood on the floor. He’s about to call for Claire but then there’s a horrifying gurgling sound and he sees her lying on the floor, hands clutching her throat as blood pours over them.

Daryl straight blacks out for a second but then he’s rushing to her, falling onto his knees next to her, pulling her into his arms. He doesn’t know what to do, panic gripping him as he takes her hands and sees her throat tore open. Claire looks at him with cloudy eyes as she chokes and gurgles, and Daryl thinks she chokes out something that sounds like ‘Emily’ but he’s not sure. He knows he has to find the little girl and keep her safe, but he can’t leave Claire.

He doesn’t know if Claire’s shaking or if it’s him, but his hands are trembling as he presses them to her throat and he’s sure his heart stops when Claire closes her eyes, lying limp on his arms. “No, no, no, Claire, hey.” He all but pants for air as his lungs seem to stop working, he has to do something but he doesn’t know what, the fear that grips his heart telling him she’s beyond help.

Claire’s eyes open to look at him as he shakes her and for a crazy second Daryl dares to have hope, but then she stops chocking and gurgling, her eyes fixed on him but empty, and just like that she’s gone.

Daryl can only stare at her body, his vision turning blurry as tears fill his eyes. He’s shaking, and his lungs burn as he gasps for air. It doesn’t feel real and at the same time it feels too real. It huts like it’s real. Daryl doesn’t think he can move, his body doesn’t seem to respond, but he forces himself to do it, he has to. He has to find Emily and keep her safe, though he doesn’t know what to do or where to go. He has to find Merle, take Emily with him, make sure both his brother and the little girl are safe, and then Merle will know what to do.

He’s holding Claire’s body against him but he makes himself lie her onto the floor to get up, tries not to look at her but he does and for a moment the pain overwhelms him again, threatening to make him crumble and fall again, but he forces himself to shut it and keep going. He rubs his eyes as he takes a deep breath, realizing too late that his hands are wet with Claire’s blood, smearing it over his face, turning his stomach.

Daryl chokes a whimper but he has no time for that, he has to find Emily. The little girl is going to be scared seeing him like that, though. At least she didn’t have to see her mother like that, she’s not around, and for a moment Daryl fears Emily’s not in the house and he’s not going to be able to find her, but it’s past time she was home from the kindergarten and he can see his little boots propped up at the side of the sofa. She has to be there, and this time it’s not going to be too late.

“Emily? Sweetheart?” He calls for her and there’s no babbly answer but Daryl forces himself not to panic and he rushes to her room. She’s in the corridor, sitting on the floor with her back to him as if blissfully oblivious to everything that’s going on, and Daryl lets out a relieved sigh. “Darlin’, we have to go, alright?”

Daryl walks closer to pick her up but stops, his blood freezing in his veins when he hears the growl coming from Emily. No, it can’t be that. She turns around and looks at him with those empty eyes, the same that the things on the streets have, her face drained of color but the red of the blood that has splashed it, contorting into something that terrifies Daryl as she snarls. It can’t be real.

Her little hands reach out for him as she growls and she tries to get up, stumbling a couple of steps before she falls down and resorts to crawling. Daryl can’t move, can’t think, can’t breathe, he feels as he’s as dead as Claire, empty, his mind numb.

Somehow his survival instinct kicks in through his shock, forcing him to stop looking at what is not Emily anymore, to turn away and run out of the house, but he’s not sure how he’s able to do it because next thing Daryl knows is that he’s on Merle’s bike riding as fast as he can, he doesn’t know where, doesn’t care. His mind is still clouded, making him feel numb, but that’s better than the pain. The pain is too much.

He takes a turn, just because, gets into the woods, keeps riding until the wheels of the bike get stuck in the mud and both the bike and him fall to the ground, hitting his head, but Daryl doesn’t care, doesn’t bother to try to get up. He wants his mind to be numb and the pain in his head is better to the one in his heart.

This doesn’t make sense. He still doesn’t know what’s going on but he doesn’t care, all he knows is that Claire is gone and that Emily is…something that is nor her, and it doesn’t make sense. Daryl curls on himself, closes his eyes. Maybe it’s a nightmare, maybe he’ll wake up, his nightmares are terrifying, painful, but they don’t hurt like this, and he knows this is real.

He can’t help his sobs, can’t stop them, neither the tears that burn his eyes. They are gone, he doesn’t understand how or why, but they are gone, his best friend and her little girl, the people Daryl wanted to protect, the people he ended up caring about so, so much, the people that made him happy, made his life better, the people he loves.

It hurts worse than if one of his bolts had gone through his heart, it hurts worse than if his heart’d have been ripped out of his chest while he’s still alive, his stomach clenches and turns, making him want to throw up. 

Daryl stays like that, curled, eyes closed, fighting to breathe, until he hears a growl and knows that one of those things are close, but he can’t find the will to get up and fight it, he doesn’t want to move. His survival instinct kicks in once again when the thing gets close enough to reach him, though, making him move like a robot, getting up and facing the thing that growls and snarls, reaching out and trying to grab him

Daryl doesn’t bother to get an arrow on the crossbow and aim, he just bashes the crossbow onto the thing’s head, hitting it hard. The thing fells to the ground, probably dead, but Daryl keeps hitting and hitting, yelling at it, until what was its head isn’t recognizable anymore. He drops the crossbow and kicks the dead body until his legs give up and he falls to the ground.

He doesn’t want to feel. He wants to be numb again, he wants to shut it down, but images keep coming to his mind and there’s no way to stop them. He can’t get it out of his mind, the image of Emily, or the thing with Emily’s dead face.

He closes his eyes tight and he can almost see her when she was so, so tiny, wrapped in the scarf…the first time he held her…playing with her while she babbled…her holding onto his hands stubbornly trying to walk, but all those memories faze and all he can see is her dead face snarling as her dead body somehow crawled to him. Because Daryl knows it, knows that even though she’s moving, she’s dead, no matter he doesn’t understand how, and she’s not coming back

His memories of Claire smiling to him, joking as they three played together, talking with him for hours and hours as they walked, telling him he was his best friend, having his back in more ways than she knew, all them turn into her body dead in his arms, her empty eyes on him, he tries to hear her voice but all he hears is her gurgling as she chocked.

Daryl can’t take it and he curls onto himself again, shaking, his lugs burning as if his body doesn’t want to breathe anymore.

He was supposed to take care of them, to protect them, and he wasn’t there. He should have been there. He should have saved them. They should be alive. He failed them and now they are gone and he’s alone, and it hurts too much to keep going.

“And you call yourself a Dixon? You are a shame. Lying there on top of a pile of brains, whimpering like some pussy. This is all on you, Lil’ brother, all your fault.”

Daryl’s thinks he’s going insane when he hears Merle’s voice. Maybe he’s turning into one of those things too.

“You’ve been like this since you were this Lil’ brat, I always had to drag you everywhere with me, tried to teach you to be like me, and all for this…all I got for a brother is this whining, crying, useless, weak mess…I’m ashamed to call you my blood.”

Merle’s voice ranting again, so clear, and this time Daryl looks up but he can’t see his brother anywhere. He’s really going insane.

“You’re gonna be lying there, whimpering like a beaten dog, until you get your useless ass eaten? Nah, Lil’ brother, you stole your older brother’s bike and now you’re gonna get it back to him. So come on, get your whining ass on that bike and drive it to me, and without any scratch. Come on, Darylina.”

Merle.

He’s right.

His brother might still be alive, he has to. Of course he’s alive. He’s Merle. Merle doesn’t die.

Daryl has to find him.

He tries to get up but his legs are shaking too much. His head thumps from when he hit it when he fell off the bike but that’s good, that’s welcomed. He sits down, takes a deep breath. He wants to be numb again, he needs to be numb again, he doesn’t want to feel, he can’t.

He doesn’t want the pain, the hurt, the memories, the feelings. He shuts everything, he pushes everything down, somewhere where he hopes he won’t have to feel it or see it again. All his memories of Claire and Emily. He doesn’t want anything of that anymore, he can’t handle it. He needs it gone.

He struggles but at the end he manages to push everything down, to shut it down. He has to find Merle. Nothing else matters now but finding his brother.

Daryl gets up, takes the bike, drags it out of the mud. Emily liked to play in the sand and the mud, Claire never minded the little girl getting dirty if that meant she was having fun, she neither minded getting her clothes full of mud. Daryl can almost hear them laughing and tears burn in his eyes again as he gasps for air.

No.

That’s gone.

He has to shut that down.

Or otherwise he won’t be able to keep going, and he needs to find Merle.

He pushes it all down, all the pain, all the feelings, everything, shuts himself.

Daryl drags the bike back to the road, gets on it, kicks on the engine and seeps up, off to find his brother, fast enough he can’t think, fast enough he can’t feel anything that’s not the wind, and he doesn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well…I told you this was going to be angsty :( I’m really sorry people, but I had this idea in my mind and I hade to write it down. I think it makes sense with how hard Daryl tried to find Sophia, he’s very protective and he likes kids, he didn’t want another one to die, and also it makes snse with how good and sweet he was with lil asskicker. Writing this killed me, I cried, but I also love it.  
> Thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it! If you have a moment, please let me know your thoughts in the comments, your feedback makes my day!  
> English is not my mother language so sorry if there are mistakes.

**Author's Note:**

> Well…what do you guys think of this?What do you think of the idea? I’m nervous about if you’re going to like this new thing or not.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it! If you have a moment, please let me know your thoughts in the comments, your feedback makes my day!
> 
> As always, English is not my first language so sorry if there are mistakes.


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